Today Wasn’t A Good Day

Today started off pretty shitty and that set the trend for the rest of the day.  I started work at 9am.  Although I discovered that by rushing to work this morning thinking I started at 8:30 like yesterday.  The pain and the sickness tied to that (and probably the meds too) slowed me down and I didn’t get in until 8:35, feeling pretty shitty that I was late.

One of the guys (Jamie) on my team commented that I was early and that’s when the FML moment truly kicked in.  Yesterday was a pretty decent day work-wise but the pain got quite bad as the day went on.  Today, the pain is even worse.  The painkillers seem to be having no effect.

As a result,  I ended up leaving work after about 2 hours of being there as the pain was just too much.  It still is, as I type this but at least I can suffer without worrying about my dignity.  Walking around like a decrepit old man who has shit himself isn’t a good look for what should be a strapping young 31 year old!  So I’m now at home resting up…Although the kids are tearing around making all sorts of noise and peace and quiet is evidently not on my agenda!

I don’t know what the cause is yet and, to be honest, I kinda don’t want to know.  All that’s going through my head is the Big C.  And that’s why I’d rather not know.  People treat you differently.   Sometimes folk feel like they have to say something and it is the worst thing they could say.   Sometimes peace and quiet is just as supportive as engaging in conversation.

Various illnesses carry a certain stigma with them and the social impacts of it can sometimes seem worse than the actual disease.

I could be criticised for this viewpoint.  Or the fact that I have jumped to the worst conclusion imaginable.  But let’s be realistic, nowadays with the statistics they hit us with (1 in 2 people have cancer) it’s pretty fucking hard not to.  Especially when you know people who have been diagnosed, it is too close for comfort at times.

I guess I could look at it as a case of expect the worst and if it is anything less then it’s a bonus.

We shall see.

As it stands, the meds are causing stomach pains and fucking up my allergies even more – constantly bunged up and sneezing.  My back is in agony and the combination of pain makes it hard to figure out what is what.

I hate discussing it as it seems like I’m attention seeking and nothing but a barrel of woe and the fact my blog doesn’t get many hits is a way of me getting it out there without everyone thinking how sad and pathetic I am.