This…Is For…….Matilda – Osama Bin Leon

The CIA are still conducting analysis on the data recovered from Osama Bin Laden‘s shag pad in Pakistan.  Amongst the data they recovered a Jailbroken PS3 running CFW 3.60, a jailbroken iPhone on 4.3.3 and an XBox 360 with the head of a goat as a makeshift case for a terabyte of “white” porn.

It is suspected that Bin Laden was a member of ‘Anonymous’, the group who conducted DDoS attacks on a number of Sony sites and were suspected of the PSN hack which has rendered the PSN useless for over a week.

Rumours are rife that Bin Laden is not dead – some say it’s a ploy to shake up the Al Qaeda ranks and draw the higher ranking terrorists, including Bin Laden himself,  out to allow a direct assault on them once and for all.  Others think it’s merely a vote-winning tactic as Obama wasn’t doing too well in office.

Some say Bin Laden faked his death to release some posthumous albums in the footseps of Tupac Shakur to shake the world up.

However, there is evidence to support a new theory.

Upon inspection, Bin Laden’s living room was fully equipped with a 5.1 surround sound home cinema.  In the DVD player was a copy of  ‘Leon’.

The theory goes that when the Navy SEALs raided his home, Bin Laden was able to create a distraction using dry ice, a paper clip, 2 elastic bands and a handful of monkeys.  During this distraction, it is believed that Bin Laden was able to take down one of the SEALs and steal his clothes in the same fashion as the closing scenes of the movie.

It is a well known fact that the SEALs had been hunting for Bin Laden for many years and in doing so, were trained to think like him in order to find his championship winning hiding place.  As part of this methodology, they took the task seriously, fashioning themselves after Bin Laden himself therefore meaning that the body found was that of a look-a-like.  A twist of irony perhaps considering what Saddam Hussein used to do as regular practice to avoid detainment…

Be safe out there.