Relationship Advice?

I’m going to start by saying that this will probably be the most controversial blog post I have written.  Just be glad most of you haven’t heard the controversial stuff I haven’t written!  I am no love guru nor do I care to be one.  That’s too much drama.  But I felt I needed a rant so here goes…

I read this article and, I’ll be honest, it pissed me off.  Constructed by these presumed ‘love experts’ and crafted in a way that defies human nature.

Don’t get me wrong – flirting is definitely dangerous and is a no-no (I agree with them here) but what is construed as flirting?  I have been told off many a time for ‘flirting’ where I don’t see it as that.  If being nice and showing concern for a friend and ‘being a pal’ is flirting then my definitions need updating!  Nor is my filthy manner in which, if any woman took that as flirting then, she needs to get herself committed and seek counselling immediately.

What I don’t agree with is the notion that a guy and a gal can’t sit down for a meal, go to the cinema or even just hang out with purely platonic intention.  Plus, surely if you spent enough time with the SAME sex there’s a risk that curiosity kicks in?  Morals come into play here and, this is no different to a guy going out clubbing or even heading off to Amsterdam or Las Vegas for a lads break/stag do etc.  Without stats and facts, this shit is merely that.  SHIT.  I bet there are more affairs from the latter as opposed to a guy going to lunch with a colleague.

The moral high horse they set themselves on indicates they have a very archaic view of the world – why does it have to be the opposite sex?  Again, I’m sure a large number of folks have dabbled with members of the same sex and maybe even moved on to a more serious relationship as a result.  What they’re saying (the parts that are relevant and make sense) is stuff we probably already know.

It makes it sound like you cannot spend any time with anyone on your own except your partner.  So what?  You’re out with friends, all but 2 of you smoke.  They all go outside and you’re left with a person (let’s forget gender as it makes no difference when you take into account the day and age we live in).  What do you do?  Go mingle with another group so you’re alone?  Go outside with the rest of them?  Or do you sit and be sociable?  Just as things could happen in a more private fashion, there’s nothing to say in that small amount of ‘alone time’ nothing could happen.

This is like saying don’t cross a road because a lot of people get hit by speeding vehicles.  While that might be true, what is the ratio compared to those that DON’T get hit?  This just fuels the already paranoid blame culture that we live in nowadays.

I’ll be honest, I get on better with women.  Not because I wanna fuck everything that moves.  Not because I like the thrill of the chase or anything at all sexual.  I was raised by a single mother.  I had an older sister (and brother but he was too young) to look after me and help my Mum out.  Through life, women have played a strong role.  The men have been your typical old school – not much chatter.  Manly men.  I was from a time where old school viewpoints and behaviour were tapering off so the people I would talk/open up to would primarily be female.  I think that, unless you have been brought up in a similar way, it’s difficult to understand and appreciate these affinities and may always see it as a threat.

The trouble with these ‘lists’ is that they are put to you as infallible.  Because it is written, it must be so.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of these authors are the overly religious types.  No one can tell you how to live your life.  There is no major right and wrong (outside of the standard morals we are/should be brought up with and the laws within our respective countries or regions.  There is no ultimate goal to happiness, there is no fast track to life and the only thing that views/opinions can do is open your eyes to something you maybe never considered.  Or in this case for me, piss you off to the point you feel you gotta pipe up about it.

I will leave one last point of view in terms of this quote: ‘The Internet will soon become the most common form of infidelity, if it isn’t already.’  To give this some perspective; [most] people are more social online than anywhere else these days.  Think of all the typical ‘hook up’ spots and look at them now: everyone’s faces are buried in their phones or tablets.  Folks have their laptops in cafes.  Times have changed to the point where a lot of us (myself included) communicate online with folks that aren’t far from us.  Thanks to technology, a lot of people work from home now meaning that there’s less interaction with people as you’re not in the workplace and with that, I suppose, comes the concept of loneliness.  It’s a form of segregation and it’s in a lot of folks’ nature to be social and so a different way of socialising would be required.  Again, that doesn’t mean it’s for anything untoward: sometimes it’s nice just to have a chat and a bit of banter.  Look at me: I have been off work for around 2 months now and have barely seen any of my colleagues but we have a few exchanges on Facebook posting stupid pics and having a stream of comments and what-not.  Some folks drop me a message from time to time to see how I’m doing.  Perhaps I have a blinkered view but where is the harm in that?  Yes I get that others may use it for more sordid reasons but the same happens in the offline world too.  In fact, a lot worse happens in the ‘real world’.  The internet has almost replaced REAL interaction.  That doesn’t make us bad people; it just means we have changed with the times and sometimes changes aren’t all [completely] good.

 

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