If It Is Written, It Shall Be Done
I’ve been trying to work on some podcast ideas – I have a few but finding time/energy/peace and quiet is proving hard. The same goes for writing – by the time the kids go to bed and the house is relatively peaceful but by then I am shattered and generally only in the mood to play my PS4. The only chance I can really pod is in the middle of the night but trying to get the energy to come downstairs and sit down for a recording is hard and I feel kinda daunted by it. Ideally I need a co-host to bounce ideas off and be able to laugh and joke. Being sick and twisted on my tod is more creepy than funny, right?
Since I have been taking Amitriptyline I have had this haze cast over my mind – that haze has always been there, to be honest…this angst that I have things I want to do but don’t know how or where to start. But the haziness has intensified. I have ideas that I forget, even when I jot them down I forget what I meant when I look at them next. Starting projects is easy. Maintaining/continuing them is the hardest task and that’s where I struggle. The only way to describe this odd feeling is to compare it to Dr Manhattan in Watchmen – when he can’t see the future due to the tachyons blocking him. It’s a horrid feeling as I find it makes my mood (which has been up and down a lot lately what with me feeling stressed and fed up with this ongoing health saga) worse to the point that my anger at myself sometimes seeps out to others.
So what ideas did I have? Well, after writing The Boy Upon The Stair Part 1, it gave me a half-hearted inspiration to turn that into a work of fiction somehow. Incorporate it into a tale akin to Stephen King & Peter Straub’s Talisman or something. I also decided to try and write a story with Seren – a children’s book. A difficult task considering my foul mind and colourful language but perhaps working with someone else will inspire me to take the challenge on and allow that creativity to pour into other areas of work. I have a couple of novels/short stories on the go and I had an idea to somehow merge them as the stories could become one but I’m not sure how to go about it.
My downfall is that I have always sucked at making/taking notes. Even in meetings when I had to minute them, I wasn’t sure what to write. Revising in school ended up with a few scribbled lines because I couldn’t think what I needed to note down but figured the page cannot be left blank at any cost. I jot down names or scenarios, but figuring out what to do with them is usually the struggle. I can come up with titles with such ease and usually the titles lead me into core thoughts but devising characters and padding out their lives is where I fall short. I listen to loads of podcasts, audio books and I try to read too for inspiration but I find that (especially with podcasts/documentaries) I lead a very dull life with little or no adventure. Other creative types seem to have these fantastic anecdotes and memories and I believe that’s what sets them apart from me.
I guess we could go down the cliched route: be more adventurous. But that’s like telling someone to breathe differently. I’m hoping Seren gives me the push I need to get creative (she’s a complete nag so I know she won’t let up now that I’ve told her I wanna write a story with her).
I guess the big question, although it’s a while off should we actually complete it, is how and where would we distribute it? I’m thinking any written works that I do can be distributed via the Nerdgazzum store – 99p download for a PDF perhaps. A nice, low price that may encourage me to do more if folks seem interested…we shall see!