If It Ain’t Prostatitis, Then WTF Is It?

So it’s been a couple of weeks now and I still haven’t had my appointment from the hospital for a colonoscopy.  Test results haven’t come back either and I am starting to think that the sample I had to drop in at the surgery hasn’t been sent off.  I missed the cut-off at 12 and the receptionist acted weird with me after looking me up and down and asked a colleague if they could hold onto it until the following day to send off then.  There’s only so many times you can ring up without ending up harassing…

So after a total of about 8 weeks of antibiotics, the doc (yet another different doctor) didn’t seem to think it’s prostatitis.  So, for over 2 months now, I still do not know what is wrong.  What I do know is the pain has started to get worse again.  I think it’s the fact that I am taking the same painkillers to try and keep it at bay and my body is now starting to become accustomed to it’s tricks and is having none of it.  I certainly don’t feel the minor relief that it was providing previously.  So it’s either worse because my condition is changing or I’m becoming used to the meds.  I’d like to think it’s the latter.

As I’m typing this, I’m kinda hunched over my laptop in an attempt to apply pressure on the affected area in my abdomen to try and alleviate the pain.  Again, I think my body is getting wise to my little life hacks at easing the pain, regardless of how minor the relief is.

Trying to have some normalcy in my day-to-day is becoming a challenge.  During the day I feel more prone to sleep.  Often dozing off or becoming highly lethargic.  Yesterday, I was sat in the car (I wasn’t driving) and found I must have dozed off as I jumped awake and we were a few miles from where I last remembered!  In the night, I seem to be more awake – I’m trying to develop a normal routine i.e. up early with the kids before school and so on in a means to again reclaim some normalcy but the more I try the more it seems to go the other way.  My body just seems to refuse my attempts.

The only place I seem to have his ‘normal’ status that I am striving for is online.  I have taken to scheduling posts such as blogs and Facebook updates as I am writing and updating a lot in short bursts and spreading them out.  Half the time an update from me goes out I’m probably in bed or lazing on the sofa at the time it goes live.  I can hide behind the screen of my Tab or laptop, grimacing in pain or slouched in such a way it looks like my skeleton has been plucked out of my arse and not worry about what my body language says as no one can see me.  Hobbling about as I do most days is humiliating and when I do set foot outside, I strain myself to the point I kinda walk normal and as a result the after effects are crippling.  Which reminds me, I heard that folks who play the Elephant Man in theatres end up having to give it up after a while due to the toll the contorting of their bodies to play the role has on them.  That immediately made me think of what I must be doing to myself by forcing my back straight or walking normal in the name of dignity.

I actually feel like I’m rotting from the inside out.

So it looks like, when I go back to the doctor this week, I need to see what other pain relief I can utilise in the meantime pending a full diagnosis and follow whatever course that takes me on.  I’m trying to keep my mind occupied to avoid the negative and overriding darkness that my mind has decided to rent out.  It’s a losing battle but if I don’t keep fighting then it’ll be my mental state as well as my physical state on the line.

Fingers crossed for some good news.

 

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