[Insert Witty Post Title Here]

It’s been a very long time since I have posted here.  It’s also been a long time since I recorded and uploaded a podcast.  Life has been weird since my last podcast, a few weeks after I put it up I returned to work (finally!) – I’ve been back since September 14th.  I started on reduced hours on a return to work program and, as of last week, started back as normal.  Between the energy drain and adjusting to the routine it’s been pretty odd going back to the routines of old so time hasn’t been in abundance.  Any free time was spent with the kids and gaming.

During my absence, I slowly put the business stuff on the back burner which allowed me time to start prioritising aspects of my life and spending more time with the kids as opposed to e-mails and invoices had a huge impact on my overall mental health which, in turn, seems to have helped with my physical woes.  Since the last podcast my MRI that I was awaiting the results of showed that I have a prolapsed disc.  Whether this has had or continues to have a link to my abdominal pain is unclear and I’m waiting on a referral to a physiotherapist to deal with the back issues.  The abdominal pain has been much better, although over the past week has flared up to the point of agony but I’m becoming more convinced that if it’s not linked to the prolapsed disc then it’s stress related.

I read a blog post by Wil Wheaton last night which really got me thinking.  In it, he describes the impact of not feeling good about yourself on not just him but folks around him such as his children and his wife.  I’ve received a lot of flak from a variety of ‘trolls’ on my Facebook page in response to some of my podcasts where I’ve been accused of seeking sympathy among other things and, for me, the ability to talk openly about stuff on my mind was a means of venting and an attempt at making myself feel better by getting it out there without burdening people face to face with the social awkwardness that we feel when we don’t know the right thing to say to comfort someone and end up saying the worst thing possible.  By submitting my thoughts and feelings here on the blog or verbally on the podcast with no immediate audience to feel uncomfortable – at the end of the day, it’s a choice to read or listen to me with no judgment or awkwardness if you stop listening or reading – it’s a form of therapy I guess.

At this stage, there’s nothing much more to discuss regarding the health side of things – I’m fit enough to be back in work and, despite having had around 5 months of absence, I have hit the ground running with my stats being on target or not far off considering most people can’t hit their targets for a while.  It’s almost as if I’ve never been away (although there have been a number of changes that have taken/will take some getting used to).  The fact that I have started to feel better within myself has helped tremendously and I’m now looking to take things in a new direction with the podcasts and the business.

For a few weeks, I have toyed with the idea of giving up the business stuff but I didn’t work this hard and put a huge strain on myself or my family for nothing so I’m going to keep going but I will do things differently.  I won’t put it before my kids like I did previously – if these last few months have taught me anything it’s that they don’t stay young and innocent for long and I can’t afford to miss out on the key moments of their lives.  My Mum (who still weighs heavily on my mind) always put her kids before herself and this is something I need to focus on.  I do a lot for my kids and rarely miss any event in their lives (concerts etc.) but even though I was physically there I may not have necessarily been there mentally.

So what’s the point of this post?  Looking for sympathy?  No.  Perhaps other folks with similar dramas in their lives can relate.  I’m not a motivational speaker, I’m not a self-help guru.  I’m just an average guy looking to make sense of my life and if that inspires or helps other folks…well, cool.

After my next three shifts in work I have a month off on annual leave – initially I booked a few days for my eldest daughter’s birthday but then got click-happy and ended up with the whole month – Fallout 4, baby.  I’m hoping to blog more (both here and on the Nerdgazzum Blog – expecting some review copies of games through – had Just Dance 2016 this week so will try and do a few game previews and reviews) and try and work out a schedule for podcasts as I went through a run of putting loads up one after the other  and then…nothing.

Anyways, gonna have some chill time with the eldest before she heads off to bed – won’t really see her for the next two days due to my shifts.  ’til next time!